Why it’s probably going to take a reeaalllyy long time for me to get my period back…

As you can probably tell from the title of this post, this contains some girly content, so guys beware!  But it is definitely one of the most important posts I’ve ever written so I encourage you to read it!

I’m sure it’s no secret to you all that one of my big reasons for choosing recovery was to regain my natural menstrual cycle, which hasn’t ever been regular or normal to my knowledge (and hasn’t been present at all for like 2.5 years!).  I saw my midwife earlier this year, who suspected hypothalmic amenorrhea, but we decided to hold off on blood tests and give it some time to come back on its own.  I came to the realization that my diet and exercise habits were negatively affecting my fertility, and have made some serious changes over the past 2 months to get things back in order.

Let’s just say that some things have happened lately that have made me realize that it is going to take me far longer than suspected to get my period back.

If you remember a couple weeks back, I had some abdominal pains that I was almost certain were ovulation pains. (Yes I was diagnosed by google… we’ve all done it right??)  So I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of a monthly visitor sometime last week.  But the days came and went, and sadly, no period.

I was so disappointed, and so confused guys.  But then out of the blue, it just hit me… well maybe, JUST MAYBE, I managed to conceive on my very first cycle.  As I was taking the pregnancy test, I felt silly because I just knew it was such a long shot.  So you can bet my jaw dropped to the floor when two pink lines appeared on the test strip.  That’s right, friends… I AM PREGNANT!! 🙂

And that is just freaking marvelous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am absolutely over the moon about it!  Never in my dreams did I think it would happen this quickly.  Of course, it is still very early in the pregnancy (4-5 weeks now), but I just didn’t feel like trying to hide it for another month!

I was afraid to post this because I’m sure there’s people out there who would see conceiving a child while still recovering from disordered eating as a selfish thing to do.  But then I thought to myself, how many pregnancies (including my first!) were not even planned at all?  How many people become pregnant while dealing with mental illness, or while being a smoker, or while financially unstable?  And who are we to say that those people should not have children?  There is no one factor that can determine what kind of parent a person will be.  Obviously my body has showed some degree of readiness to bear a child, and I know in my heart that I am emotionally capable of another pregnancy.

BUT, with that being said… it will be ever so important that I am giving my body everything it needs so that the baby is well nourished.  I plan to do another post going into the whole pregnancy body image/ED recovery-related stuff, but for now I just had to get this big announcement out there!  I am so so so happy!!!

Can’t wait to share this journey with the blog world!  And thank you to all my readers for being so patient!

 

 

Recovery Progress Check – 1 Month!!!

I’ve made it through one solid month of legit ED Recovery and life is good!  Since I’ve made it this far, I think I’m going to cut back to doing these posts once a month from now on until I feel like I’m 110% recovered.  And then it’s probably still a good idea for me to sit down and reevaluate myself occasionally to make sure old habits aren’t slipping back in unnoticed.  P.S. If I do ever start to do that – please, by all means, call me out on it!  I need some accountability here, peeps!

Body

** I have posted any numbers or potentially triggering info in white.  Just highlight it with your cursor if you’re interested. If not, then just read through!**

My weight is still going up, but it seems to be slowing down.  So far I have gained 12 lbs.  It seems like such a large amount of weight to gain in a short period of time, but I am surprisingly okay with it.  I have gone from a BMI of 19.4 to 21.1.  I know there’s a possibility that some of it could be water weight, but I’m not counting on it.  I still have some trouble with bloating, but it has gotten much, much better (i.e. it is no longer painful, just merely unpleasant).  I don’t have any soreness or fatigue anymore, but I have been really sleepy lately – yet having trouble sleeping at night.  Another weird thing is that I have seen some minor breakouts, which I haven’t had since college.  Could this be a sign that my hormones are going back to normal?? Hope so!!

Hunger/Satiety

I really felt like my hunger was starting to stabilize for a while.  I was comfortable eating my calorie minimums and seemed to feel the sensation of hunger at appropriate times (which I did my very best to respond to at all times!)  However, just last night, extreme hunger decided to visit me again in the wee hours of the morning.  I had to get up and eat at 5 AM, which sucked because I was soooo tired!  But I started feeling nauseous, which for me is a sign that I need food, stat.  (Does this happen to anyone else?)  I was finally able to squeeze in an hour of sleep after that.  The extreme hunger is still lingering today – I will most likely eat well above minimums, and I’m cool with that.

Emotional

Never better!  I think spending some time at home with my family in TN was just what I needed.  I’ve been able to draw my mind away from food and body image and focus on more important things.  I honestly can’t remember my last drama-filled “I’m so fat and I hate my life” emotional breakdown, so things are clearly moving in the right direction.  Spending some time outdoors this weekend has also lifted my spirits; there’s definitely something to be said about the powerful spiritual connection with nature and it’s positive effects on mood.  It also doesn’t hurt that I have a few sets of new clothes that actually fit me now.  It’s hard to be happy when your size 2 jeans are squashing your internal organs and you can’t breathe, and your muffin tops have gone to like professional bakery level.  Okay that was an exaggeration, but you catch my drift.

So yes, I’d say that my progress so far is pretty much awesome!  Have a wonderful week everyone 🙂

It's a good day to have a good day

Do you think face breakouts have something to do with hormonal change?  Or completely unrelated?

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten in the middle of the night?