Here are my 7 notes for today! If you don’t care to read them all, then just read #5 & 6, then skip down to the bottom where I talk about the maturity continuum and how it relates to the marriage relationship.
- Our character is basically a composite of our habits [thoughts –> actions –> habits –> character –> destiny!]
- Breaking a deeply embedded habitual tendency that violates basic principles of human effectiveness involves more than a little willpower and a few minor changes.
- Habit – the intersection of knowledge (what & why to do), skill (how to do), and desire (motivation, want to do).
- Happiness requires you to be willing to subordinate what you think you want now for what you want later.
- Maturity continuum [Dependence –> Independence –> Interdependence]
- Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people don’t have enough character to do so; they don’t own enough of themselves.
- The 7 habits are principles of effectiveness that are in harmony with the natural law of P/PC balance. We must take care of both (P) production of desired results and (PC) production capability, the ability or asset that produces results.
Perhaps the most though provoking thing I read today was point #6, that you can’t jump straight from dependence to interdependence. I have come to conclude that I am emotionally dependent (my sense of worth and security comes from perceived opinions of others) and, to a certain extent, intellectually dependent (I count on my husband much of the time to think through issues and problems of my life – and right now he’s probably got more than he can take with all this ED stuff).
I feel like much of stress in our marriage these days may be related to me trying to force interdependence between us, when I really haven’t reached that stage of independence first required to make an interdependent marriage work. After all, marriage is an interdependent relationship – that is a natural law. Since we started dating when I was only 18, I can totally see how I never truly developed my innate self. I was still at a critical point of growth and development in my life. He became a part of my identity and I succumbed to dependence.
I hope with the guidance of God, lots of prayer, and hard work to make new habits, I will be able to find myself; and thus become a person who is capable of interdependent relationships throughout the rest of my life!