Weekend Musings + A Mini Progress Check

HOW BOUT THEM CATS?!?!?!

This weekend was full of basketball, good friends, and good times!  Kentucky is headed to the Final Four and Lexington is getting crazier by the minute.

On Friday we went to a friends house and grilled out burgers (with the free ground beef I scored!).  We topped them with cream cheese and sweet chili sauce… ok I know, sounds like the weirdest burger topping EVER but it was SOOOO GOOOOD!  We then put the baby to bed upstairs and sat around the fire pit talking about randomness until the game started at 9:45.  Somehow in the conversation, I opened up to my friends about my hormonal problems/infertility and my need to gain weight.  I’ve always been a very private person about things like this, but I can’t tell you how good it feels to actually talk about that stuff to real people!  Their reactions were much more positive than I was expecting and I feel kinda stupid for trying to hide stuff all the time.  I once heard at church that we intimidate others with our strength and connect to others with our weaknesses.  What a great example of how true this is!

Saturday was supposed to be the day of my big half marathon race.  I was registered and everything.  This was definitely one of my biggest obstacles to committing to full recovery… I just really didn’t want to let this race go.  But I did.  And the world is still turning.  On the bright side, I still got to go to the race as a volunteer.  The swim team I coach used it as a fundraising opportunity, so we were there cleaning up around the finish area.  But goodness, the weather was AWFUL.  It started out fine but the temperature plummeted and the rain and wind just kept picking up.  By the end, I was honestly glad I didn’t run it!

We spent that afternoon doing some major house cleaning and we started working on the master bathroom (which is currently not in use… our house was a disaster when we bought it last year!)  We went to another friend’s house for dinner that night.  The host is from California and her parents send her fresh produce all the time.  That girl can cook!  I am always so impressed with her dishes!

We went to the early church service on Sunday and then I worked in the nursery for the later service.  In the afternoon we went to yet another friends house to pick up some plants they are trying to get rid of since they are moving. We came home with several strawberry, blackberry, raspberry, arctic kiwi, and blueberry plants.  I think we are all set for berries this summer, y’all.  So excited about this!!!

After that, the cats played in the Elite 8 against Michigan and WE DID IT AGAIN!  So it’s on to the Final Four!

As of today, I have been through 5 weeks of ED recovery.  I thought I’d do a little “mini progress check” rather than a whole post.  There will be some numbers posted here, just FYI.

  • I am still gaining weight – it does not seem to be slowing down.
  • I have gained an additional 3 lbs since my last progress check.  My BMI is now 21.5.
  • Extreme hunger is gone.  What I’ve noticed is that my amount of weight gain does not seem to correlate with my actual intake.  For example, I’ve had weeks where extreme hunger has caused me to eat waaaayyy above my minimums, and weeks where I seem to be right on my minimums.  Yet I still seem to gain about 2.5 or 3 lbs a week.  I am really starting to see evidence that what I’ve been reading on Your Eatopia is true!  There is no need to fear extreme hunger!

How do you feel about running or any other aerobic exercise for those who are recovering from an ED?  Can it be done in a healthful manner?

Any ideas or recipes with berries?  I am probably going to end up with tons all at once!

Also, follow me @sydwitz on Instagram!  My account is set to private but I will approve all my lovely blog readers!  My pics are mostly babies and food!

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Five Things Friday 3.28.14

It’s Friday everyone! And you know what that means… time to make lists! And try to keep them limited to 5 things! Thanks to Clare for hosting once again. Let’s start with the heavier stuff so we can get that over with first!

Five Things I’m Fretting About:

  1. My weight is continuing to go up and up! I was hoping I’d reach some sort of plateau but it doesn’t seem like I’m at that point yet. I think I may need to go above my weight set point before I can reach true recovery. I am okay with this, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to swallow. No changes to the plan.
  2. I am at a loss as to what to do about buying a swimsuit for this year. My old ones don’t fit and I’m going to Florida in May. I’ve got too much badonk these days for size XS string bikinis. Also, my tops from last year are too big because I was breastfeeding. I am considering getting a more conservative style… maybe a high waisted bikini or even a one-piece? But if I must be honest, that is truly not my personal style. I am a beachy bikini type of girl. I’ve always though I looked good enough to wear whatever I wanted. But now I am torn between “screw it, I gonna show off my bigger body just the same” and “maybe I’d feel more comfortable with a little extra coverage.” Thoughts please????
  3. I’m still trying to decide what to do about the whole amenorrhea thing. A little less than two months ago, I visited my midwife and we spoke about me wanting to conceive yet still having no period. She is well aware of my exercise tendencies and that is the first thing she questioned me about. But I had also quit breastfeeding 4 months before that and she said that it can take some time, but that it should definitely be back by 6 months (my daughter is 18 months now). She said if I hadn’t had a cycle and wasn’t pregnant in 2 months, that I should come back to get my hormones tested. So we are approaching that deadline and I’m wondering if I should just give it more time or if I should go through the tests and get my hormones checked. I was realllly hoping that I could just blame my amenorrhea on breastfeeding, but I think we all know that my food restriction/over exercising has created my hormonal imbalance.
  4. I’m worried that it will take a long time before I can have another baby. When we had our first, we made the decision as a family for me to put my career on hold to focus on raising a family. We wanted to have 3 kids or so with about 2 years in between them. I had planned on resuming my career once the youngest was pre-school aged. But things don’t always work out as planned. I am feeling a bit guilty that I am not contributing as much to the family financially as I could be and I am starting to feel that pull toward going back to full-time employment. But I am also afraid that I will get pregnant as soon as I land a decent job. My husband and I both wholeheartedly agree that I should stay home with a newborn for the first year. I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding and pumping all day at work is just not the same. I know every mother is different in this respect, but my maternal instincts tell me that I need to nurture that bond with my infant by being the primary caregiver for at least the first year.
  5. On the same token, I know that medical options exist that could increase my chances of conception. I’m just really iffy about that kind of stuff. I had such a beautiful, healthy, natural pregnancy and delivery the first time around. I want to do everything in my power to make sure that all my children get that same benefit. I need to do more research on potential risks of fertility drugs, etc.

Phew! Okay, I know that was not the most positive and uplifting thing to read on a Friday. But it feels good to get it off my chest. I am thankful that I have you all who are willing to listen! On to better things!

Five Good Reads this week:

  1. The Cure for Not Being Good Enough – The Great Fitness Experiment
  2. Digestive Issues? It’s Time to Blame the Vegetables – The Big Man’s World
  3. Tummy Troubles – Your Eatopia
  4. Strangers Intervene to Save Life of Anorexic Woman – The Tennessean (this happened in my hometown!)
  5. Allegiant! I mean duh. It’s kindof angsty right now… I really hope there’s a happy ending!

Five Things I’ve Eaten:

  1. Spaghetti Squash Pizza Pie from Wednesday (will DEF be making again!)
  2. Blue-greens with Butternut (I used to have a healthy recipe blog and this was on there!)
  3. Caprese Salad with cilantro and balsamic reduction (also on my old website)
  4. Mug cakes for days… I just mix random things into a mug, throw it in the microwave, and it usually turns out delicious!
  5. Free samples at Kroger… everything from fresh juice to cake to doughnuts to cheese and sausage! Our store had the grand reopening yesterday. We even scored 3 lbs of free ground beef for being one of the first 500 customers!

Five Things I’m Looking Forward to:

  1. Warm weather finally coming back after spring decided to greet us with another mini-blizzard. My baby has cabin fever y’all. We need to play OUTSIDE!
  2. I’m going to Florida in May with my dad’s side of the family. Sooooo ready for the beach. Sooooo sick of being pale!
  3. Planting my little sprouts! The ground should be warm enough by Sunday.
  4. Outdoor pool season. I will feel like a spectacular parent if my children do nothing more than become the biggest pool rats of all time. Man those were they days. Sometimes I’d go to my neighborhood pool around 10:00 for swim practice and then stay there literally ALL DAY until it closed at 8. People often thought my sister and I were Hispanic, and that does not surprise me one little bit. Good times.
  5. MARCH MADNESS Y’ALL!!! IT’S BASKETBALL TIME IN KENTUCKYYYYYY!!!! The Cats made it to the Sweet 16! And of course we’re playing Louisville of all teams. The rivalry is REAL y’all. There is so much smack talking going around down here. You just don’t understand what basketball means to us here. I am so hyped for this game! (Sidenote – I will be using the aforementioned free ground beef to make burgers during the game; this will be my first REAL burger in years! Yay for recovery!)

Kentucky Basketball. Jarrod Polson in Big Blue Madness 2013.

GO CATS!!!

[LOUISVILLE DOESN’T EXIST]

 

So for swimsuits… should I go skimpy? Or conservative?

Should I go get my hormones tested? Or should I give it some extra time in hopes that recovery solves my fertility issues?

Should I start looking for jobs again? Or again, should I give it more time?

Sorry guys, I need some advice today. But I do want to know… which basketball team are you supporting this year??

 

WIAW + Spring Snow, Yoga, & Allegiant

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This morning we woke up to this frosty view.  What the heck spring?  It has continued to snow on and off all day.  I think all of us in Kentucky can agree… we’re sick of the white stuff!  Hopefully this is the LAST time!

Anyhoo, I started off the morning with a yogurt bowl (which I was already halfway through before I remembered to snap a pic!)  I used plain yogurt, granola, oats, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, coconut, pumpkin seeds, pecan, and pumpkin pie spice.  Twas quite a bowl.

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After breakfast, the baby and I headed to yoga class.  I am making big progress in my flexibility and I am getting more comfortable in my poses.  It is nice when you know exactly what you’re supposed to do and you’re not craning your neck trying to see what the instructor is doing!  I remembered my tumbler so I filled up on free decaf coffee at the gym after class.

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Lunch was a turkey pesto sandwich with parmesan, lettuce, and kumatos (brown tomatoes – they were sweet and delicious!) on multigrain bread.

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Eaten with a side of raw veggies and Trader Joe’s spinach and kale dip!

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This dip is seriously yummy.  As much as I really hate the “reduced-guilt” label, (why should we EVER feel guilty for eating? why are companies promoting this??) I can’t help but love it.  I tried their full-fat spinach dip (guilty dip? haha) and it is nowhere near as good as this one!

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I also sipped on this juice throughout the day.  No, of course I didn’t drink it straight from the bottle…

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I also had a little dessert after lunch in the form of homemade “froyo.”  It’s made with frozen banana, yogurt, cocoa, and peanut butter.

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While enjoying this delicious concoction, I got an email from the library.  MY COPY OF ALLEGIANT WAS READY FOR PICKUP!!!  HALLELUJAH!!  Haha I had been on the waitlist for about a week.  It seemed like a year, guys.  Can’t wait to dive in to book #3!!  When we were about to head out I looked at my daughter dressed in red and yellow and thought “doesn’t she just look like an adorable Amity baby?”  I’m sorry, my nerdness can’t be controlled.

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Once baby was napping, I got snackity and had some more spinach and kale dip with pita crackers this time.  I also had some unpictured chocolate covered pretzels filled with peanut butter.  Yes, they’re just as heavenly as they sound!

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Dinner was AMAZEBALLS if I do say so myself.  I made this pepperoni spaghetti squash pizza pie and ummm… holy yum!  Baby and I could have easily polished off the whole thing but we had to share with husband.

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So instead of hogging the whole pie, I made a little 2-minute chocolate chip mug cake.  Ugly picture, but I was trying to eat it at the same time.

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I will most likely eat a snack before bed too… probably fruit or cereal.  Or both.

I also realize that I’ve had three forms of chocolate today.  This is a normal occurrence.  Chocolate is good.

How many times a day do you eat chocolate?

Which faction would you choose???

I mean I’d like to say I’m bad-ass enough to be Dauntless… and I’m pretty sure my former high-school aged self would have fit the profie.  But now I think it’s just wishful thinking.  I like gardening so maybe I should be Amity??

Recovery Progress Check – 1 Month!!!

I’ve made it through one solid month of legit ED Recovery and life is good!  Since I’ve made it this far, I think I’m going to cut back to doing these posts once a month from now on until I feel like I’m 110% recovered.  And then it’s probably still a good idea for me to sit down and reevaluate myself occasionally to make sure old habits aren’t slipping back in unnoticed.  P.S. If I do ever start to do that – please, by all means, call me out on it!  I need some accountability here, peeps!

Body

** I have posted any numbers or potentially triggering info in white.  Just highlight it with your cursor if you’re interested. If not, then just read through!**

My weight is still going up, but it seems to be slowing down.  So far I have gained 12 lbs.  It seems like such a large amount of weight to gain in a short period of time, but I am surprisingly okay with it.  I have gone from a BMI of 19.4 to 21.1.  I know there’s a possibility that some of it could be water weight, but I’m not counting on it.  I still have some trouble with bloating, but it has gotten much, much better (i.e. it is no longer painful, just merely unpleasant).  I don’t have any soreness or fatigue anymore, but I have been really sleepy lately – yet having trouble sleeping at night.  Another weird thing is that I have seen some minor breakouts, which I haven’t had since college.  Could this be a sign that my hormones are going back to normal?? Hope so!!

Hunger/Satiety

I really felt like my hunger was starting to stabilize for a while.  I was comfortable eating my calorie minimums and seemed to feel the sensation of hunger at appropriate times (which I did my very best to respond to at all times!)  However, just last night, extreme hunger decided to visit me again in the wee hours of the morning.  I had to get up and eat at 5 AM, which sucked because I was soooo tired!  But I started feeling nauseous, which for me is a sign that I need food, stat.  (Does this happen to anyone else?)  I was finally able to squeeze in an hour of sleep after that.  The extreme hunger is still lingering today – I will most likely eat well above minimums, and I’m cool with that.

Emotional

Never better!  I think spending some time at home with my family in TN was just what I needed.  I’ve been able to draw my mind away from food and body image and focus on more important things.  I honestly can’t remember my last drama-filled “I’m so fat and I hate my life” emotional breakdown, so things are clearly moving in the right direction.  Spending some time outdoors this weekend has also lifted my spirits; there’s definitely something to be said about the powerful spiritual connection with nature and it’s positive effects on mood.  It also doesn’t hurt that I have a few sets of new clothes that actually fit me now.  It’s hard to be happy when your size 2 jeans are squashing your internal organs and you can’t breathe, and your muffin tops have gone to like professional bakery level.  Okay that was an exaggeration, but you catch my drift.

So yes, I’d say that my progress so far is pretty much awesome!  Have a wonderful week everyone 🙂

It's a good day to have a good day

Do you think face breakouts have something to do with hormonal change?  Or completely unrelated?

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten in the middle of the night?

 

 

 

My Vague Attempts at Gardening

I have been casually mentioning gardening in recent posts and people have seemed interested, so I thought I’d share a little more about my new little hobby that I’ve been enjoying lately!

First of all, we bought our house a little less than a year ago as a foreclosure.  We got a sweet deal on it, but man oh man… it was a WRECK.  Due to budget constraints we decided to wait on fixing up the yard and just focus on the inside of this house.  But this year we decided that the yard needed to be cleaned up a bit.  Since I love cooking with fresh produce I tossed my husband the idea of having a backyard garden and he was all for it!  Yesterday construction officially began.

First thing we did was get rid of some really nasty dead/overgrown bushes and trees.  Getting the tree down is one thing, but chopping off all the branches into bundles to be discarded is even worse!  So tedious and time consuming, but it needed to be done.  We also had a Japanese maple tree in the backyard (in an existing plant bed) that we moved to the front yard.  The husband had to have help on that one… he even broke a shovel!  The tree still doesn’t have leaves on it from winter but here’s where it is now… I hope the poor guy survives!

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This is the plant bed that the tree came from.  It is on the side of our yard (that fence is our neighbor’s).  We thought this space would be better used as a vegetable garden.  I am thinking of putting my early spring crops in there (broccoli and kale) since I think they’ll be okay with slightly less sunlight and cooler temperatures.  Last year I haphazardly threw some baby plants that a friend of ours gave to us and they grew pretty well!  We had tomatillos, rosemary, and cucumbers.  I am looking forward to having the extra space from the tree.

The next plant bed we built is in the back yard.  It is up against the back of the house next to the deck.  Our backyard gets a lot of sunlight, so the house won’t really block it until late in the evening.  Our yard also slopes down, so we thought it’d be better up on the higher ground.  It’s actually the perfect location since it’s right between the deck and the basement stairwell.  This is where we’d like to put our summer crops – right now I’m thinking tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash.  The pallets in the back will be helpful for the tomatoes to grow on too!

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We are thinking of building another one of the same size right next to it.  What do ya think??  I really want another one, but we would have to buy more soil… which is not cheap!

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This is also where the all the tree/bush mess was.  Thank goodness for husbands for this type of stuff!  I let him do most of the hard labor… I spent half the day chasing a toddler trying to keep her from eating dirt and pulling rocks out of her mouth.

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I am looking forward to the warm weather and getting to put these little babies into the garden!  I know my approach is far from scientific, and there’s a fair chance it will all be a flop.  But I’m okay with that.  I really enjoy getting outside in nature and am hoping to learn throughout the process rather than spend my days reading gardening books.

Do you like gardening?  What are the easiest crops to plant in your opinion?

What would you most like to grow if you could grow anything?

Five Things Friday – Family Style

Well, the baby and I are back to home sweet home Kentucky.  As much as I miss the good ole fam, it’s good to be back!  If you recall last Friday I wrote about all the things I planned to do, so let’s just see how that all panned out shall we?

Five Things I Did in Tennessee:

  1. Read Divergent.  And Insurgent.  In 4 days.  Can you say addicted????
  2. Went clothes shopping.  (Ahem, I am about 2 sizes bigger!  Very much needed!)
  3. Went out to eat… a lot!  Newks, Old Chicago, Pei Wei, La Hacienda (local Mexican) were all visited.  It was so nice not having to cook every single meal.  It’s crazy how much time it frees up!

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  4. Went to the park 3 times!  Baby girl and baby bro (a.k.a. niece and uncle?? haha) were really hitting it off.  Despite the 7 year age gap, they are BFFs now.  I tried to convince him to do yoga with me but he wasn’t feelin it.
  5. Took baby girl to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time.  It was disappointing that she was terrified of all the little kiddie games/rides.20140320-200302.jpg

Not so crazy about the merry go round.  And I was holding her hand.

Five Words my Toddler Says:

  1. Cracker – “kwoh-kwoh”
  2. Night-night – “nigh-niiiighhhh”
  3. Juba (our dog) – “Dooba!”
  4. Banana – “menumana”
  5. No – “no, no, no, no, no”

Five Things I’m Growing in my Backyard this Year (or at least attempting to…)

  1. Kale
  2. Broccoli
  3. Tomatoes
  4. Cucumbers
  5. Basil

Tomorrow is garden day for us.  We’re gonna get lay down some fresh soil over the existing plant beds and build a brand new raised bed in the backyard.  Time to get dirty!  Bad news is that it’s going to snow again before we can plant anything.  My dining room table is full of little sprouts!

Five things I’m looking forward to this week:

  1. The arrival of some clothes I ordered from J.Crew Factory.  Eeeek I hope they fit cause they were soooo cute!
  2. Gettin dirty in the garden!  No really, it’s fun!
  3. Reading some more 7 Habits and daily devotionals… I kinda let it slide while I was at home.
  4. Cooking!  Taking a break has renewed my desire to be creative in the kitchen.  I made this oven “fried” chicken last night and it was freaking delicious, y’all.  It needed some sweet tea though.

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  5. Watching the Divergent movie!!!!  (Oh wait, that’s not going to happen.  Unless by some miracle I can convince my husband to watch her while I go alone.  We are on a tight budget and I probably should be responsible and wait for it to hit the dollar theater… le sigh.)

If anyone watches Divergent, could you please just lie to me and tell me it sucked so that I won’t be so miserable?? Thanks.

Have a spectacular Friday!

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Recovery Progress Check – 3 Weeks

The theme for this week: healthy distractions! I’ve been so distracted by positive things, that it has left little room for negative body image thoughts to creep into my mind. Okay, so the whole week hasn’t been that way. (Ahem, this post last week…) But things have definitely made a change for the better since my little mental breakdown on Wednesday.

Body:

I know my weight now. I was scared it would send me straight back into relapse but I actually feel stronger now that I have looked at that number on the scale and allowed myself to come to terms with it. I gained more weight than I had thought, but I have concluded that it doesn’t matter. I need to free myself from the emotion that goes along with my weight. It is an objective measurement of my gravitational pull to the earth. It is not a definition of my self-worth in any way, shape, or form. I really feel like I have conquered something here.

I sold $122 worth of too-small clothes on eBay. I went shopping yesterday and bought some clearance stuff from the Limited. (I know, I feel so old shopping there!) But the more mature styles really do suit my body better now. It’s really not my personal “style” but I feel comfortable and I don’t freak out about my muffin top showing. I bought a pair of mint green jeans (originally $89) and this boat neck top (originally $49) for $24 each! They complement eachother well.

Hunger & Satiety:

Extreme hunger is mostly gone. I eat three square meals a day with snacks between most of them (sometimes not between breakfast and lunch). I always have a bedtime snack or dessert.

I have not been waking up in the middle of the night to hunger pangs, but I do sometimes feel a bit hungry if I wake up for some other reason. I usually am tired enough to just go back to sleep, but it is comforting knowing that I am completely entitled to eat in the middle of the night if I feel like it.

I have not been counting calories. I just really don’t want to put the effort into it. I don’t want to be constantly second guessing myself and wondering if I could or should eat this, that, etc. I’m fairly certain that I am still eating to minimums. My hunger cues are there. Hopefully that means my metabolism is going back to normal?

Symptoms:

Digestive woes are still present but less severe. Bloating incidences have been fewer and farther between. It is to the point where it is uncomfortable, but not painful.

Mentally/Emotinally:

Aside from Wednesday, I’ve been feeling good! No crying, no self-hatred, and only brief flashes of “I want to turn back” ideation (which I can quickly and easily fight off!). Several factors have helped in this area. First, reading 7 Habits, and second, reading daily devotionals and the bible. I’ve spent more time in prayer than usual and The Lord has graciously extended his strength and courage to me.

I’ve also had lots of (wonderful) things to distract me. Being around my family and not having to be in charge of meal/food decisions has definitely helped. I’ve also been reading Divergent nonstop. I am so sucked in to the story that it’s given my mind a rest from the constant ED/recovery turmoil.

I’m excited about the progress I’ve made this past week – things are definitely looking up!