Nervous About This Weekend!

Though I consider myself a stay-at-home mom for the most part, I do work part time as a high school swim coach.  It helps pay the bills and it doesn’t conflict with my husband’s work schedule so we rarely have to pay a babysitter.  Plus, I LOVE it.  I love swimming, and I love coaching.  However, since starting my recovery the whole swim coaching thing is turning out to be a minor obstacle that I have to overcome.  Allow me to explain.

This Friday and Saturday is the State Championship swim meet.  I’ll be on pool deck from 8:00 AM to probably 8-9 PM.  I’ll maybe get a 30 minute lunch break.  I’ll be on my feet all day.  I’ll be jumping and screaming and cheering and I will be all amped up on adrenaline.  In a way, it is a good thing.  I won’t have time to worry and obsess over food (which I why I loved it so much in the past… I had a good excuse not to eat and I was so busy I didn’t even feel hungry).  But at the same time, I know this is not a good thing in terms of my recovery plan.

They have a coach’s hospitality room that is typically stocked with junk food and soda.  Guys, if I have a fear food it is soda.  All those sugary calories without ever making you full or satisfied are absolutely terrifying.  I know I will be tempted to drink the diet coke when I know I should just drink the regular.  And anything processed (think hotdogs, nachos & cheese, etc.) also scares the living daylights out of me.  I know I need to eat, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready for these kinds of foods yet (my ED was kindof more on the orthorexic side).  Sorry for all the food hating – I need to accept that food is NOT the enemy and I CAN have whatever I want.  I just don’t feel a “want” for these foods and I’m not sure if it’s me or my ED talking here.

I also struggle with the social aspect of eating in this situation.  Most of the coaches don’t eat either.  Only the “fat and lazy” ones eat at the meet.  I used look down upon the people who ate at the meet thinking “they should be talking to their swimmers rather than eating.”  So stupid.  I need to stop thinking everyone is as critical as I was.  I posted about this yesterday, and it’s the same deal.  Right now I just need to worry about myself!

The best plan I can come up with is the following:

  • Wake up early.  Eat a big breakfast at the hotel til I’m completely full and satisfied.
  • Pack snacks that are calorie-dense but less threatening to me.  (Nuts, energy bars, dried fruit, etc.)
  • Another idea I had was to sip on fruit juice/milk/gatorate throughout the day instead of water.
  • Don’t spend the whole meet worrying about what’s for dinner.  When the meet is over, eat what is close by and what sounds good.  Don’t stress out looking for the healthiest restaurant in town!

I am seriously so excited for this weekend and I don’t want to let stupid ED thoughts ruin my fun.  But at the same time, I need to be aware of my recovery and not let old habits slip back in.  I know I don’t have many readers, but ANY advice and support is welcome!  I’ll let you all know how it goes!

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